I am housesitting tonight - last minute gig - but I absolutely love coming here. This is a great couple, they are wonderful, and I have lots of fun with them, and have no problem watching the "kids" when something comes up and they have to go out of town.
One of the dogs, in particular, just touches my heart. Maggie is OLLLLLLDDDD. She has a thyroid problem, so has to have thyroid medication morning and night, and she is just very "well loved" literally. One of my favorite books, as a child, was the velveteen rabbit - and you know you have been "well loved" when your fur has been rubbed off, and you are missing an eye, and your ear is torn, etc. Well Maggie is "well loved". Once I had a friend come over for dinner while I was housesitting here, and she was scared to touch Maggie, because half of Magg's hair has come off, and her tail is just the skinny bones, with a little hide left on it, and if you aren't comfortable with animals, she can be quite intimidating. But let me tell you, you aren't going to find a more loving dog than Maggie anywhere.
I needed Maggie tonight. I needed Maggie to remind me that it isn't what is on the outside that is important, but what is on the inside. I've had a rough going these past few months. As much as I hate to give satan credit, he has really had a hey day with me, and my feelings of self worth. When I go to have myopathic muscular therapy, the therapist always can tell when I am struggling, because in the area of my body, which houses the "self worth" block as she calls it, she really has to work hard to get my body to balance out. Those of you who know me well, know that this is an area that I really struggle in - and I am working on it and seeing some progress.
I guess I am coming to "terms" with me, and am frustrated when others aren't so quick to do so. I guess in many ways I see myself as "velveteen". I'm not the prettiest thing anyone has ever seen, not the thinnest, not the smartest, at times not even the nicest - but I guess I look at my life and I see how life has rubbed "the fur" off in lots of areas, and how I feel like I am missing parts. I will never hold a PHd in anything - but then you know what, God hasn't asked me to either. I know that I have "My Master's Degree - the AUG one, Approved Unto God." But,also in my defense, even in my imperfections, you aren't going to find anyone who loves more fiercely than I do - sometimes even to a fault. You aren't going to find many people that "put up" with so much crap, and never lash out in retaliation. I've been reminded so much of this a few weeks ago, with one of my elderly ladies and when a doctor thanked me for taking such wonderful care of her, going far beyond the call of duty, to make sure that she died with dignity. And all I could think was, that's what I do - how could I do any less.
I have been blessed, far beyond what some people can even begin to imagine, and I know it. So tonight, in my "self-worth" imbalanced self - I needed Maggie - a physical reminder that it isn't what is on the outside, the looks, the education, the whatever, but it is the heart that is in us, that God judges, and is most important.
Thank you Lord for providing Maggie - to remind me, that You love me, despite all my imperfections, and it doesn't really matter what others think, because if You are for me, what do others matter anyway. So I will continue on in my "velveteen life" doing all that I can, to be all that You have asked me to be.
Walking with the King, Sandy
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
God of Second Chances
This last week, I've had the opportunity to watch a couple of little boys playing with an etch-a sketch. It was fascinating to hear them, as they were trying hard to draw something, which I could never quite figure out. They would work together, then one of them, would take it away from the other and try to do it by himself, and finally the other one would get mad, grab it from the other one, and shake it. It brought back many many memories. As a child, we all remember playing with Etch-A-Sketch toys. We would turn the knobs to draw our pictures, making the most entertaining artwork, but when we wanted to start a new drawing, we could simply turn the toy upside-down, shake it up, and have a clean slate to start again! My friend, God is like that with us. Sometimes we get turned around and shaken up a bit, but He is the God of second chances!
In the Bible, there are several examples of those who needed another chance:
The great apostle Paul was responsible for arresting and murdering Christians before his Damascus Road experience. He was among those at the stoning of Stephen, the first Christian martyr.
Israel’s King David, called a man after God’s own heart, committed adultery with Bathsheeba.
Peter denied knowing Christ three times, even after he had the revelation of who Jesus was.
However, God showed mercy toward those in the Bible. He didn’t want them to miss their heavenly purpose. He gave them a second chance! I am so thankful for those second and third, and fourth chances.
I think of the times in my life when God and I would be working together on a picture, and I would get frustrated and take it away from God's hands and try to do it myself. I am not saying that God was the second child, who got mad - took it away from the other one - and shook it up, but God is the one who patiently waits for us, watching us get frustrated, and when we have finally had enough - we take it back to Him and He "shakes it up" and gives us a clean slate once again. I'm thankful for friends who give second chances, and I hope that in this very vivid illustration this last week, that I will be quicker to be willing to wipe the slate clean and give second chances to those around me, who prove to be human.
Thank you Lord, for second chances. Thank you for reminding me that there will never be third and fourth chances, but only second chances - because as we come to You, You are willing to forgive and forget, so it will always be a second chance. Help me to become more like You!
Walking with the King, Sandy
In the Bible, there are several examples of those who needed another chance:
The great apostle Paul was responsible for arresting and murdering Christians before his Damascus Road experience. He was among those at the stoning of Stephen, the first Christian martyr.
Israel’s King David, called a man after God’s own heart, committed adultery with Bathsheeba.
Peter denied knowing Christ three times, even after he had the revelation of who Jesus was.
However, God showed mercy toward those in the Bible. He didn’t want them to miss their heavenly purpose. He gave them a second chance! I am so thankful for those second and third, and fourth chances.
I think of the times in my life when God and I would be working together on a picture, and I would get frustrated and take it away from God's hands and try to do it myself. I am not saying that God was the second child, who got mad - took it away from the other one - and shook it up, but God is the one who patiently waits for us, watching us get frustrated, and when we have finally had enough - we take it back to Him and He "shakes it up" and gives us a clean slate once again. I'm thankful for friends who give second chances, and I hope that in this very vivid illustration this last week, that I will be quicker to be willing to wipe the slate clean and give second chances to those around me, who prove to be human.
Thank you Lord, for second chances. Thank you for reminding me that there will never be third and fourth chances, but only second chances - because as we come to You, You are willing to forgive and forget, so it will always be a second chance. Help me to become more like You!
Walking with the King, Sandy
Friday, April 30, 2010
Willing that None Perish
I am going through a rough time right now, and have really had some deep discussions with God. I was talking with a friend the other night, who is also going through a really rough time. One thing that she said to me was "it's sad that you are fighting harder for a friendship, than I am willing to fight for my marriage."
I have to admit that her statement hit me really hard. I found myself asking the questions: Are my expectations for this friendship unreal? When is the appropriate time to let it all go? When do I walk away and not look back? Am I trying to force an issue with God, that He is asking me to let go of? Is this unhealthy - to keep fighting for this?
I really really struggled with this for several days, and just asked God to show me something that would give me guidance in the way that I needed to proceed. I stopped all communication, and just sought God's guidance. During this time, He showed me how I had to walk in forgiveness, and forgetfulness. This is really hard for me, but He showed me that in my own strength, it wasn't possible, but with His help nothing is impossible. I had to learn to walk in Love, His Love, and not my humanness.
I thought this was going to be the answer, but it still didn't help the struggle in my heart over the questions that I stated in the first paragraph. Then one morning, I awoke with a scripture on my heart, and that same scripture was in my devotions, and a friend called and said, I really feel like God wants me to share this scripture with you - and it was the same one: 2 Peter 3:9.
Basically it states that God is willing that none perish. He basically stated again to me, that the investments were for the Kingdom, and He is not willing that it perish. And if I am made in the image and the likeness of God, having the mind of Christ - because of His righteousness, and not of my own self - I have to have that same mindset, and be willing to hang on, and not let go of, all that God has done in this area and with this person.
Now I get to deal with all the implications of trying to be Christlike in this area - and as I struggle with my humanness in this area,I will do the best that I can to do what God has called me to do, with this relationship in my life. As I step forward in this area, my heart is burdened for my friend and her marriage. Lord, in this area, I am sure, that You are willing that NONE perish, even this one. Guide me in my words and actions - to do all that I can, and in my mindset - hold on to the scripture that states that You are willing that NONE perish. Thank you for Your guidance.
Walking with the King, Sandy
I have to admit that her statement hit me really hard. I found myself asking the questions: Are my expectations for this friendship unreal? When is the appropriate time to let it all go? When do I walk away and not look back? Am I trying to force an issue with God, that He is asking me to let go of? Is this unhealthy - to keep fighting for this?
I really really struggled with this for several days, and just asked God to show me something that would give me guidance in the way that I needed to proceed. I stopped all communication, and just sought God's guidance. During this time, He showed me how I had to walk in forgiveness, and forgetfulness. This is really hard for me, but He showed me that in my own strength, it wasn't possible, but with His help nothing is impossible. I had to learn to walk in Love, His Love, and not my humanness.
I thought this was going to be the answer, but it still didn't help the struggle in my heart over the questions that I stated in the first paragraph. Then one morning, I awoke with a scripture on my heart, and that same scripture was in my devotions, and a friend called and said, I really feel like God wants me to share this scripture with you - and it was the same one: 2 Peter 3:9.
Basically it states that God is willing that none perish. He basically stated again to me, that the investments were for the Kingdom, and He is not willing that it perish. And if I am made in the image and the likeness of God, having the mind of Christ - because of His righteousness, and not of my own self - I have to have that same mindset, and be willing to hang on, and not let go of, all that God has done in this area and with this person.
Now I get to deal with all the implications of trying to be Christlike in this area - and as I struggle with my humanness in this area,I will do the best that I can to do what God has called me to do, with this relationship in my life. As I step forward in this area, my heart is burdened for my friend and her marriage. Lord, in this area, I am sure, that You are willing that NONE perish, even this one. Guide me in my words and actions - to do all that I can, and in my mindset - hold on to the scripture that states that You are willing that NONE perish. Thank you for Your guidance.
Walking with the King, Sandy
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Perseverance against the Waves
This morning, after the morning Holy Week service, I stopped at the beach to watch the cruise ships come in. This is something I can't do in Yakima :-)
As I sat there and watched, I noticed something in the ocean, at first I thought it was a buoy, but it was moving. Soon I realized that it was a swimmer in an orange cap. As I watched the swimmer I was amazed by the __________, not even sure what the right word is, but the ability to just keep swimming. You see, the seas were a little rough this morning, and so for much of the swim, she was fighting the ocean, getting a really good work out. If this would have been me, I think I probably would have stopped.
As I continued to watch, the swimmer left the beach and headed toward her car, which happened to be parked close to where I was. I mentioned the rough seas, and she said, not as bad as yesterday though. It seems that she swims 10 miles each day - 5 miles up, and 5 miles back along the coast, part of her training. I'm not sure what she is training for, but I acknowledged her dedication.
After she left, I was thinking on the morning devotional and several things that the pastor had stressed - and I found the similarities very much the same.
We battle against spiritual things - and some days they are definately going to be harder than others. We just need to set our minds on Christ and remember that this life is more than just a physical event, but it is a spiritual battle.
My prayer for today is Lord, help me to be dedicated to remain on course, even when the waves seem to be pushing me everyway except the way that I want to go.
Walking with the King, until I am sitting at the feet of Jesus.
As I sat there and watched, I noticed something in the ocean, at first I thought it was a buoy, but it was moving. Soon I realized that it was a swimmer in an orange cap. As I watched the swimmer I was amazed by the __________, not even sure what the right word is, but the ability to just keep swimming. You see, the seas were a little rough this morning, and so for much of the swim, she was fighting the ocean, getting a really good work out. If this would have been me, I think I probably would have stopped.
As I continued to watch, the swimmer left the beach and headed toward her car, which happened to be parked close to where I was. I mentioned the rough seas, and she said, not as bad as yesterday though. It seems that she swims 10 miles each day - 5 miles up, and 5 miles back along the coast, part of her training. I'm not sure what she is training for, but I acknowledged her dedication.
After she left, I was thinking on the morning devotional and several things that the pastor had stressed - and I found the similarities very much the same.
We battle against spiritual things - and some days they are definately going to be harder than others. We just need to set our minds on Christ and remember that this life is more than just a physical event, but it is a spiritual battle.
My prayer for today is Lord, help me to be dedicated to remain on course, even when the waves seem to be pushing me everyway except the way that I want to go.
Walking with the King, until I am sitting at the feet of Jesus.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sitting at the Feet of Jesus
Sitting at the feet of Jesus,
Oh, what words I hear Him say!
Happy place! so near, so precious!
May it find me there each day;
Sitting at the feet of Jesus,
I would look upon the past;
For His love has been so gracious,
It has won my heart at last.
Sitting at the feet of Jesus,
Where can mortal be more blest?
There I lay my sins and sorrows,
And, when weary, find sweet rest;
Sitting at the feet of Jesus,
There I love to weep and pray;
While I from His fullness gather
Grace and comfort every day.
Bless me, O my Savior, bless me,
As *I sit low at Thy feet; [*I’m waiting]
Oh, look down in love upon me,
Let me see Thy face so sweet;
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus,
Make me holy as He is;
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus,
Who is all my righteousness
This song has begun to have a strong impact on me lately. Have we ever stopped and listened to the words of some of the "old hymns" of the church? I grew up in a church where we sang many many hymns and loved them. But as the church has progressed, so has the music, and now many churches are filled with Praise and Worship chorus', and the old hymns are left in the back pew.
I think often of the old patriarchs, that now sit at His feet, listening to Him. What will it be like to sit at Jesus' feet, surrounded with such a cloud of witness', praising Him together?
Happy place! So near so precious! May it find me there every day. This verse tells me that we can sit at His feet, even while here on this earth, but why does it seem so hard to do this? I think it is because all the "issues" that we deal with in this life - keeps our focus off what we need to focus on - HIM. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be one of those people who are so heavenly minded that we are no earthly good, but we, in the midst of trials and tribulations, should focus on things like this, instead of allowing the enemy that foothold and diverting our attention off the "important" things.
As things "progress", in many realms of reality, I expectantly wait, leaving behind the pains, trials, and troubles of this earthly life, trading it all in, for the opportunity to sit at His Feet, with the likes of Mary and Peter, John Wesley, the Patriarchs of the church, who patiently endured. I look forward to sitting with my grandparents, some of my kids that have gone on before, worshipping together at His feet. I don't care where my seat is, just let me join them in the great choir.
I don't care if we don't sound good, I hear the acoustics of heaven make even the worst singer, sound great. Just let me sit at His feet, I think the first 1,000 years, I probably won't say a word, because I will be in such awe - and that would probably be a good thing in the eyes of many of my friends here on earth now. LOL
Walking with the King here, until I can sit at His feet there.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Rest in Peace Adam
Tonight I got news of the passing of one of my "kids" and my heart is just hurting. This morning I was told that the pain that I feel in my life right now is "carma" coming back around for all the pain and suffering that I cause other people.
I want the pain to stop - I have to be honest in saying that there is a big part of me that wishes that it would have been me killed in this car accident and not Adam. Let me tell you about Adam, this was a young man who had a heart as big as he was. He would do anything for his family, and actually was in route to work for his mom, because she was sick, when the accident occured. He was a great kid, and the world will definately be missing out on a wonderful young man. The Young Life booth will never be the same without Captain Cupcake, as he so wonderfully nick named himself, so wonderfully made himself available to work whenever he was needed. He made me laugh so many times with his great antics, and his readily available hugs.
Rest in Peace Adam, Heaven has just gained another angel.
You know, when I help one of my "little old" people walk through that door into eternity - it is a peaceful time for me, but when I loose one of my "kids" I really question why I allow myself to become involved in other people's lives. I invest way to much of myself into them, and then have to deal with the immense pain when tragedy hits.
As for me, God continues to keep me here for some reason - and I have to trust Him in His infinite wisdom, because it is far beyond me to try and figure it out. As I sat outside looking up at the stars tonight, all I was asking is "Do you even hear me anymore?" Lord I need peace from You, and the kind of peace that only You can give - right now.
I want the pain to stop - I have to be honest in saying that there is a big part of me that wishes that it would have been me killed in this car accident and not Adam. Let me tell you about Adam, this was a young man who had a heart as big as he was. He would do anything for his family, and actually was in route to work for his mom, because she was sick, when the accident occured. He was a great kid, and the world will definately be missing out on a wonderful young man. The Young Life booth will never be the same without Captain Cupcake, as he so wonderfully nick named himself, so wonderfully made himself available to work whenever he was needed. He made me laugh so many times with his great antics, and his readily available hugs.
Rest in Peace Adam, Heaven has just gained another angel.
You know, when I help one of my "little old" people walk through that door into eternity - it is a peaceful time for me, but when I loose one of my "kids" I really question why I allow myself to become involved in other people's lives. I invest way to much of myself into them, and then have to deal with the immense pain when tragedy hits.
As for me, God continues to keep me here for some reason - and I have to trust Him in His infinite wisdom, because it is far beyond me to try and figure it out. As I sat outside looking up at the stars tonight, all I was asking is "Do you even hear me anymore?" Lord I need peace from You, and the kind of peace that only You can give - right now.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Inadequate
Tonight, I am frustrated as I write this, but can't figure out what is going on inside of my head, so I will try to explain as best as possible.
Why is it that, I am told, that I light up the room and make people feel good about themselves, but yet don't like the person that I see in the mirror - or the person that looks out of my soul?
I am told, that I make people laugh and bring so much joy - but yet on the outside the laughter sounds hollow, because inside my heart cries continually.
How is it that people come to me for all kinds of advice, and see me as "wise" but my own personal life sits around me in disarray and ruin?
Why is it that I can help people cross "the bar" into the eternal, with full confidence and peace, but the inside of my soul is constant turmoil and far from peaceful?
Why is it that I can sit and pray with people, and watch the answers come for them, but when I bow my head in prayer for myself - I feel that my prayers are just bouncing off of heaven.
The only word that comes to me is INADEQUATE. There have been times in my life where that is what I have been told, that I was inadequate - would never quite measure up. Have I become a self-fulfilling prophecy to all these people?
As I was reading the Guidepost devotional to a dear dear friend of mine, one of the stories was about when we don't understand God's plan for our life, and things don't seem to make sense. It was everything that I could do, not to tear up and start crying right there - and really worry her. I have to be honest in saying that I truly don't understand God's plan for my life. The scriptures say that if we seek Him with all our heart, He will grant us the desires of our heart. Now I could get all theological here and talk about the desires and how they have to line up with His Perfect Will for my life, etc - but I don't want to do that. I guess I just want to know why I struggle so in so many areas of life and want to know when my desires are going to be granted.
I know that I have so much to be Thankful for, but yet there seems to be so much in my life that seems to be unfulfilled. The hurts tonight seem so great, and I'm so frustrated, so tired of being frustrated and in all honesty, I guess I am tired of trying to be optomistic. Not sure where to go, or what to feel at this point. Because all I seem to be feeling is Inadequate. Put that one on my tombstone I guess.
Why is it that, I am told, that I light up the room and make people feel good about themselves, but yet don't like the person that I see in the mirror - or the person that looks out of my soul?
I am told, that I make people laugh and bring so much joy - but yet on the outside the laughter sounds hollow, because inside my heart cries continually.
How is it that people come to me for all kinds of advice, and see me as "wise" but my own personal life sits around me in disarray and ruin?
Why is it that I can help people cross "the bar" into the eternal, with full confidence and peace, but the inside of my soul is constant turmoil and far from peaceful?
Why is it that I can sit and pray with people, and watch the answers come for them, but when I bow my head in prayer for myself - I feel that my prayers are just bouncing off of heaven.
The only word that comes to me is INADEQUATE. There have been times in my life where that is what I have been told, that I was inadequate - would never quite measure up. Have I become a self-fulfilling prophecy to all these people?
As I was reading the Guidepost devotional to a dear dear friend of mine, one of the stories was about when we don't understand God's plan for our life, and things don't seem to make sense. It was everything that I could do, not to tear up and start crying right there - and really worry her. I have to be honest in saying that I truly don't understand God's plan for my life. The scriptures say that if we seek Him with all our heart, He will grant us the desires of our heart. Now I could get all theological here and talk about the desires and how they have to line up with His Perfect Will for my life, etc - but I don't want to do that. I guess I just want to know why I struggle so in so many areas of life and want to know when my desires are going to be granted.
I know that I have so much to be Thankful for, but yet there seems to be so much in my life that seems to be unfulfilled. The hurts tonight seem so great, and I'm so frustrated, so tired of being frustrated and in all honesty, I guess I am tired of trying to be optomistic. Not sure where to go, or what to feel at this point. Because all I seem to be feeling is Inadequate. Put that one on my tombstone I guess.
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