The Tears That No One Sees

I heard a Christian singer, today, talk about the tears of the heart that never make it to the eyes, and I could really identify with that statement. So many times we are taught, even expected at times, to put on a good show, so that no one knows how bad we are truly hurting. Tonight my heart was challenged by this news story: "Officials'>http://www.aolnews.com/crime/article/officials-friends-mystified-by-mayors-murder-suicide/19558041?sms_ss=blogger">Officials, Friends Mystified by Texas Mayor Jayne Peters' Murder-Suicide

Here is a family, supposedly doing well, has everything all together, who is unable to communicate with anyone, of the pain inside of them. I don't know if they were Christians, but it really doesn't matter at this point (for the purpose of my blog). It isn't their actions that I am worried about, it is mine. Now granted, I did not know this family, and so couldn't have done anything to change the circumstances or outcome for these two, but what about the people that I do know, the situations that maybe I could help change.

This last week, a friend of mine's husband had a heart attack. Now this is the same friend, whose son was killed in an automobile accident in March. My heart is challenging me to stop thinking about what is going on in my own life, and step out and minister to them. Now this isn't a problem, because this is the sort of thing that I absolutely love to do. The thing that is so challenging in this, that is kind of scary, is to reach out to others, who's pain might not be so obvious. Back in my late teens, a song was made popular by Steve Green. It really challenged me then, as it is doing tonight.

My prayer tonight becomes : Lord, help me to see with my ears and hear with my heart - the pain, that causes You pain (the tears that might not reach the eyes) - and help my hands and feet to be Your hands and feet to the hurting.

A heavy thought tonight,

As I walk with the King,

Sandy

Sound canceling headphones - contradiction in terms

I am smiling at my "technology-less" brain. A set of head phones, is just a set of head phones. They are all the same, and they produce the same desired sound - unless of course you go to some of the ones like a BOSE system. I have a BOSE radio/CD player, and it amazes me how good it sounds compared to a large stereo - the quality is unmatched, but headphones are just headphones. I let my nephew use my MP3 player, as I am not ready to allow him to use my I-pod touch - probably a pride issue, he would probably be able to use it better than me. (I was blessed by a 2nd Ipod by my bank, because of some promotion, and I might give it to him for his birthday/Christmas present this year - because he is really into this tech stuff), but I am deviating from my blog. I let him use my MP3 and he got a little bit upset because he couldn't hear the music - because my headphones sucked. ROFL - they work fine for me, but what do I know.

Anyway, I decided to go on a crusade and find a set of headphones that didn't suck - so when they travel, he could use the MP3 again and actually hear the music. Do you know how many types of headphones there are out there? Oh my goodness, I was amazed and the price ranges are so so so varied. Well, being a woman, and not being afraid to ask for directions, I found a young sales clerk in the electronics dept - and started asking questions. Finally I settled on a medium priced set of headphones. I'm used to paying 2.99 for a pair, and here I was paying 24.99, but there were some over $100. I had to smile as I read that these are "sound canceling" headphones, I thought I wanted to hear the sounds? after using them, I understand.

I love to mow my folks lawn. I can get on the riding lawn mower and 1 1/2 hours later, their lawn looks great, and I've listened to several pod casts, and lots of music. Well I mowed mom and dad's lawn last night, and used my new headphones. I didn't have to have it turned up all the way, and I could hear everything - even when the speaker would walk away from the mike a little - WOW. It actually was so good, that had I not known I was sitting on the tractor, I wouldn't have known I was mowing the lawn, as I couldn't hear the mower. I have to admit, I got so excited, I went and bought another pair of these headphones, so that I could keep one for me.

You know, sometimes I wish that there was some device that would cancel out all 'external' sounds when I was praying. It seems lately that the enemy is really working hard for me to not be able to concentrate during my prayer time. This is frustrating for me, as I want to be able to 'be still' and listen, waiting on God to drop something into my spirit, but it seems all I am getting these last couple of days is a laundry list of things to do for the day.

Maybe I'll start using my headphones during devotions - so I can be more attentive to what God is trying to say. Maybe I can find someone who can develop - thought canceling headphones, so my brain is a little clearer during that time. Just a thought - any ideas?

Walking with the King,
Sandy

Signed up for Camera classes - I'm so excited!

Okay, let's try this one again. I had it all finished, and then something happened, and poof it was gone. lol

I decided that since I was stepping out in faith, and planning a couple of major trips for the next couple years - (I'm doing my part - God just has to do His ) I wanted to get a new camera. So I went and invested in a new Camera. It is a Nikon 5000 - and just an awesome camera. BUT I need to learn how to do all the bells and whistles, and so I went ahead and signed up for a couple of classes - because the videos just weren't teaching me very much, and the manual isn't a very entertaining read. So I am having fun trying to figure it all out, so that I can get some awesome pictures on my trips. I find that this is taking up a lot of my "thought" process' as I get excited for this.

In writing this, I am reminded at times when my relationship with Christ was "new" and exciting - and how I was doing all that I could to learn about my God. But like most things in life, the 'newness' starts to fade and slows our interest down. I am happy that I am at a "new" place right now and life is exciting as I learn to truly trust God for every breathe that I take and His ultimate provision for my life. May I never take Him or His 'awesomeness' for granted. Just like my camera, as I allow Him to overtake my thought process - I am excited for the things that He is showing me, and is going to be showing me.

Just a few thoughts,
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

Just a few

Who are we representing?

I had to laugh the other day. I got a note from the tour group that I am traveling with this fall, God willing. It had a packing list - and one of the things that really caught my eye was "a good attitude."

Now, I would think that that would go without saying, but as I thought about it, I thought, 'there are lots of people who are very critical and negative when they go somewhere.' We Americans, have a bad reputation in places, and I don't want to have to go in somewhere and be viewed as "one of those Americans."

2 Corinthians 5:20 - states that 'we are Christ's Ambassadors - God's representatives so to speak - and it makes me wonder, what kind of representative am I for Him? I pray that when people look at me, they will see that there is something different about me, and are curious what it is.

I know that I am in NO WAY perfect, or even close to perfect - but I know that I am doing the best that I can, to be different than the world.

Thank you Lord for loving me just the way that I am, but loving me to much to leave me that way.

Just a few thoughts,
As I am walking with the King,
Sandy

BC - No Access, AD - Full Access

I was thinking about the "no access" concept again - and in some ways, my blog from a couple days just kept coming to my brain.

I want to take it a step further though.

I am excited, in Bible Study Fellowship, this fall, we will be studying the prophets - so I am working my way through them, so to refresh my memory. I really enjoy BSF - because of the simplicity of the studies, yet the in depth thinking it invokes. We use only the Bible, for the most part, and dissect the scriptures to see what God is saying. It is so much fun.

The one thing I keep thinking about is how in the Old Testament, if you wanted to "get a message" to God, so to speak, you had to go through your priest. I am amazed, that even in the midst of immense sin, that precept stood for many many years. Mere man could not enter into the Holy of Holies. So, because I wasn't born into the Levitical tribe, had I been born back in those times, I NEVER would have been able to talk to God. All of my petitions, and prayers, would have been through a priest, and only if my sacrifice was 'good enough', and the priest was in right standing.

I am so glad that when Christ died on the cross, the veil was torn and we were given access to the Holy of Holies. So many times, at various times, I have turned my face towards Him, and am so relieved to see that He is anxiously awaiting for me to come with the latest of what is going on, because He loves me that much. That is such an awesome concept. My 'sacrifice' doesn't have to be 'good enough' because He accepts me just the way that I am. I can go at any time, I am not limited to a certain time of year, and Thank You Jesus, I am not dependent on the righteousness of someone else, to take my petitions to the Mercy seat. (Now let me clarify - I try to continually keep my face towards Him, but I am human, and am definitely not perfect - but He is and fully aware of my limitations.)

Thank You Lord for just being You - and loving me enough that I can crawl up in Your lap at any times.

Just a few thoughts,
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

How much is to much?

Today has been a real interesting day. For quite a few years, I have had an uncanny 6th sense. I can't explain it other than, it has to be from God. I will awaken in the night, and just feel the urge to pray for someone, or know that I am supposed to send a specific amount of money to someone, etc - and it will be right. In some ways it kind of scares me, because I always want to be open to God's leading, but the things that are "dropped" into my spirit - is really weird. Sometimes I know the outcome, but many times I don't - and that is okay with me, because God knows.

Today was one of those days. I had taken one of my little ladies to her physical therapy appt, and as we were leaving, I just really felt impressed to pray for a friend of mine and her husband. I took a quick moment and said a prayer for them, and made a mental note to call her when I got a chance. Now I admit, I thought my reason to pray for them was a past issue. In March, their son, one of my "kids" Adam, was tragically killed in a car accident. During the day I just prayed for peace and comfort for them - especially for Laurie. I finally had a chance to give her a call around 4:30 and she was upset - she asked if she could call me back, and I said sure. She then proceeded to tell me that her husband had suffered a heart attack that morning. I asked if I could come up and see them and sit with her this evening, and she said yes.

When I got up to the hospital this evening, we were all talking and as we put a time line together, the time I felt impressed to pray was the time that Steve was having his heart attack. Thank God, through modern technology Steve is going to be just fine - and will have to make some lifestyle changes, but should live a good many more years. Laurie started to breakdown, talking about how she can't take any more. I shared with her the scripture that reminds us that God isn't going to give us anymore than we can handle, and it was okay to tell God that we are going under, and enough is enough. She looked at me like I was some crazy person. I explained that there have been times in my life, when I would tell God that He had a lot more confidence in me, than I had in myself and I just couldn't take anymore. She asked - How much is to much? I told her that only her and God could answer that question. After praying with them, and coming on home, that thought keeps going through my mind - How much is to much?

God is all sovereign but how much is to much? He is all knowing, and all powerful, but many times we feel like we are drowning - and yet the waves keep crashing upon us. I can't explain it, but I know this - God is still God and we have to come to the point that we trust Him completely REGARDLESS of outward conditions in our life. So How much it to much? I don't know - but He does and I'm just going to continue to let Him be in charge.

Just a few thoughts,
as I walk with the King,
Sandy

An Audience of One

Around the beginning of the year, I really felt impressed in my spirit - and then it was backed up in several ways - that God was looking for an "audience of one" with me. Don't ask me where I got that terminology - but it was dropped in my spirit, and it kind of stuck.

I'm not sure how to define an "audience of one" except with a very 'intimate' description. I truly believe that God wants, with each one of us, an extremely intimate relationship with Him and Him alone. We should be able to stand before Him naked and not be ashamed. We should be totally comfortable with Him, and our deepest thoughts, emotions, needs and desires - knowing that in that intimacy - there is complete security and love. He is NOT there to use and abuse us. He knows our thoughts before we even say them, so why not be honest with Him about what is going on inside of us. Psalms 139: 1-18 are such descriptive verses of how intimately God already knows us, long before we even entered this world. Much like a husband/wife, who make love to each other, after years of getting to know each other - completely open, and not ashamed, God so wants to have such an intimate relationship with us. He was willing to give up His most precious possession, His Son, for each one of us, but yet most of the time, we are unwilling to give up, or be inconvenienced for Him.

This song, helps me keep life and my relationship with Christ in perspective. He has already given me more than I have ever deserved, and I need to be able to enter into the Holy of Holy's with nothing hidden, no hidden motives, or agendas - just me, wanting to spend time with my lover - the lover of my soul. We have degraded intimacy to nothing more than a bargaining chip, with which we get what we want. Where in all reality - intimacy is not about me, but about the other person.

So as I work hard at achieving an "audience of one" with the Great Creator of Heaven and Earth, at least for this time, I bring nothing to give but me - asking nothing in return, but knowing that after my 'encounter' I will never be the same, and as time goes on, those changes in me become so deep and ingrained, that I can start loving unconditionally, those around me - because I have learned to love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally by the lover of my soul.

Just something I am learning about,

As I walk with the King,

Sandy