Life Update

Oh Where do I start.  LOL

This post is going to create a lot of unknown for me.  It is going to create a reason for some people to walk away from me, but I think that it will also open the door for open dialogue, as to who Sandy truly is.

2012, yes, 8 years ago, life was crazy.  My family life was a shambles, and in ways, I was barely hanging on.  Little did I know that God was getting ready to turn my world upside down, in so many ways. I was walking a road, with one of my kids, Lisa, a recent widow.  Her husband, Gess, had lost his battle with Cystic Fibrosis, in November of 2010  In April of 2011 Lisa was diagnosed
with Breast Cancer.  My life, as I knew it, was going to get crazy.  I was working full time, and going between Seattle and Yakima, several times a week.  My life was full, I honestly wasn't looking
 for anything else at the time, but God had other plans.


In May of 2012, I met this amazing Woman.  Yes, I said woman.  She rocked my world, all the while not even knowing I existed.  I was drawn, like a moth to a flame.  She was a single mom of 4, hardworking, and just overall amazing.  She was one of the managers, in the RV park, where I lived.  My crazy hours, would take me in the office at odd hours, picking up mail, paying my bills, using the internet, etc.  All the time, usually her smiling face was there.  (Later she admitted she was a little enamoured by the woman in scrubs.)  Please note, this was NOT my female relationship.  I just did a really good job, of keeping it quiet, as I knew what my parents and family's feelings were towards gay people.  We had some good friends as I was growing up and they had a gay son.  He was murdered, for being gay, and my parents were very vocal that that was God's punishment for him being  gay.  All gay people were horrible sinners, and deserved to die horrific painful deaths.  This was one of the main reasons, I never came out, even though I had some inklings while I was in high school.  I always equated  those desires to the trauma, I endured  in the various forms of sexual abuse I had suffered from a young age, thru my teenage years.

Over the next few months, I got to know her, and the kids. As the cancer continued to ravage Lisa's body the inevidable was sinking into my brain.  I think Stephanie realized what was going on, and she rallied around me, and with the kids made my time at home fun. We filled the days with ice cream and trips to the park, swimming in the pool and picnics and bbq's.  Lisa lost her battle with cancer August 1st, 2012.  My heart had a hole, but God had already given me the pieces to fill it back up.  I had told Lisa about Stephanie, and she was happy, as she asked several times who would take care of me, after I had taken such good care of her.  She reminded me that I deserved to be happy and know what it was like to be in a loving relationship.  My last few days with Lisa, were spent in quiet contemplation of all that was going on inside me.  Lisa found peace, and was ready to go home and be with Gess.  I was ready to go home and be with Steph and the Kids.  Yes, I was slowly falling in love with Steph and the family.  I had  been blessed with an amazing dad, who many years earlier had fallen in love with a woman with children.  He and my mom married, and he raised us as his own.  Steph and the kids, were a package deal.  I wasn't going to get one without the other, nor did I want that.  I knew God had brought them into my life for a HUGE purpose.  As Steph and I started dating, I struggled with all the emotion inside.  I knew that God wasn't going to bring her into my life, to say "Nope sorry".  I sought out pastors and professors, of many religious organizations, asking specific questions.  I bought a Hebrew/Greek Bible, so I could look up many scriptures, so I could figure out what God was saying, vs Man's interpretation.  On my 2nd trip to Israel,  I had the privelege to talk with an amazing theologian.  After that trip, it was clear in my head and heart, that I would NOT go to hell for falling in love.  In December of 2012, we officially became a family.

Life has been crazy, but Steph and I agreed, when we decided to go forward as a family, It would be thru the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.  And believe you me, the enemy has tried us.  But we are still here, 8 years later.  Life has taken us to Missouri currently, and we are trusting God to show us where we will go in the next phase of life.  We have 2 still at home, and so will probably be in Missouri until they graduate from High School, but that is in God's hands.

So that is where we are.  Now that I have brought everyone up to date as to what life is like, I can start writing my blog again.  Come on this journey with me, let's see where life leads us.

Recent Doctor's visit

I am so glad that I have such a loving "Great Physician" overseeing my condition. God's promises are like the stars: the darker the night, the brighter they shine. -- David Nicholas .

Acceptance - from where it is important

As much as your love and acceptance would thrill me,
my life is not dependent on it.
I know who I am in Christ
and that alone gives me the reason and validation
to get up every morning
and keep moving every day.

One thing that God has been showing me through my Mt. Moriah experience is the fact that HE is all that I need. Everyone and everything else in my life is just 'the icing on the cake' so to speak.

Just as Abraham had to be willing to give up the very thing that he had waited so long for, and felt was a blessing from God - so must I be willing to completely trust God to know what is best for me even if that means removing people and things from my life. I am amazed how my view, in the last 6 months, has changed of what is important.

Many of you know that the relationship between my mother and I has never been really solid - and usually is at best at least minorly strained. Well it came to a head again 3 weeks ago today, and as I look back in retrospect, yes it hurts, but it hasn't devastated me, as it would have in the past. I love my mom, I know that life hasn't been easy for her, but I am no longer willing to be "the only hell that she ever raised" as she told me many years ago. I can't change her life, or the decisions that she chooses to make in the way that she treats her children. I am not willing to allow her to blame me for all the problems in her life, or my siblings life, and if that means that I have to step away I am reluctantly willing to do that. As she ended one of our 3 conversations on the 25th of September, she said "Come get your things, have a nice life, good-bye." If I would have heard that from her 6 months ago, my heart would have been crushed. Did it hurt, yes, it hurt like hell, but I wasn't then/ and am not now willing to allow the hurt, and bitterness, that was spilling from her, to change and/or define who I am.

I am a child of God. Am I perfect? absolutely not - but I know that I am forgiven - and God has cast my sins as far as the East is from the West. He doesn't throw them in my face, every time He gets frustrated with me and ultimately He is who I have to please. He puts all of His children on a level playing field and never uses one to judge another by. He is teaching me, that He finds great value in me - I am His treasure. And I am excited to say that it has been a long time since I have seen anything good when I look in the mirror of my soul - but now through this experience, I can see so much clearer now at who I am in Christ - and that is good enough for me. I am enjoying His refining process in my life - even though the pain is great at times.
I am learning that it isn't in people, things, or "stuff" that my worth and value is defined - it is simply in who I am.

I am so excited to see what He is continuing to show me, and how my trip to the Holy Lands plays into all of this. I am going to walk where Jesus walked, sit by the Sea of Galilee and hear His voice say "come follow me", and I am going to be able to honestly say 'Yes Lord, I am willing to do whatever it is that You are calling me to do', with nothing holding me back. And for that - this Saturday morning brings me a hope and excitement that I haven't felt in a long time.

Big hugs to you my friends. Know that I love you, but God loves you more than I ever will be able to.

Israel - Here I come

I was just sitting here thinking that this time next month - I will be in the Holy Lands. I can not even begin to explain what is going on in my heart when I think of this. But I want to start blogging the journey, I feel that this is the process that I need to be taking at this point - even though it is a long way away. I certainly won't be blogging every day, at this point, but it should be a progression towards the day of departure.

I have been looking at "small" laptops lately, to help cut down on the luggage that I will be taking with me, and am amazed at all that is available. Maybe this is one of the ways that God is working on 'compacting' me down so that I don't have as much baggage either. LOL

^you cant build your future on hurts from the past.^ Maybe it is time to move ahead in life and leave the past behind including all the pain.

This was a post that I put on Facebook yesterday. I think of all of the decisions and things leading up to my going on this trip, and I am amazed at the Mt. Moriah experience that is going on in my life right now. Life has a way of teaching you things, even when you don't want to be taught - making you realize what is truly important, and what is just additional baggage. Pain and hurt is additional baggage that all to often people drag through life, or maybe pain and hurt drags people through life.

Growing up everyone talked about leaving things at the foot of the cross, and through these past 7 months, I am amazed how much I have left at the foot of the cross, and am so excited to think about actually getting to go and see where that cross was, the place that my Savior died, willingly for me, so that I might live. Am I doing Him a dis-service by not living life to the fullest - by dragging huge suitcases of hurt and guilt, shame and rejection around throughout my life?

As I make my lists of what I need to take with me, remembering that this trip is 2 weeks, not 2 years or 2 decades, God keeps reminding me of His ability to care for me, and take care of my every need - even in far off countries. As I keep researching the best way to blog and keep in touch during my sojourn I am thankful for the many things that God is showing me, and am excited to see what He is going to show me while I am there.

So you guys will get to go through this with me. Maybe there is something that God will teach you through this also - who knows, I guess time will tell. Hugs to you all.

The gift of encouragement

These last couple of months, I have been blessed with a sympathetic ear. There has been a changing on the guard at the community home where Marilyn, my mentally handicapped charge, lives. The new administrator, J, and I hit it off, extremely well as we worked together for the common good of Marilyn. It was great having a sympathetic ear, when it came to my frustrations of what was happening.

Slowly these last couple of months, we have gotten meds straightened out, and M's attitude has improved so much. I have to admit, sometimes I feel like a mom with a child, when it comes to M's issues, and wonder why I made the promise to the Judge to make sure she was taken care of. But I know why I did it, and know that everyone deserves to have someone who will look out for them, when they are no longer able to look out for themselves.

Well, these past few days, have been rough for M - and we have had to deal with some medical issues with her, that hopefully won't make a move to the nursing home necessary. Tonight I had to run out to the home and check on her, and the new administrator said to give her a call, when I left there.

After checking on Marilyn, I thought I would give J a quick call, and just give her a quick report. I guess God had other plans. It seems as if J had a bad day, and so I gave her the opportunity to vent about whatever she needed to get off her chest. In her early 50's, lost her husband of over 25 years, 5 years ago, she is stronger beyond her years, but she doesn't realize it. Today was just a crappy day for her. As I gave her the quick update on M, I realized that maybe she needed a sympathetic ear tonight, and so I encouraged her to talk about how her day was.

When I got off the phone and realized that we had talked for almost 2 hours, I was amazed. As we shared back and forth, and she would ask personal questions about my life, I found that she was truly interested in how I came to do the work that I do. She was trying to encourage me, but in a round about way - it gave me so so many opportunities to be an encouragement to her.

I have to be honest in saying that for the past few months, I have found myself spending more and more time with God (that's a good thing), and not depending so much on human contact for the encouragement and acceptance that we all so desire. As I encouraged J not to give up and stay the course, God keep saying that to me in the back of my mind. I guess that is the amazing thing about encouraging someone. You can't encourage someone, without being encouraged yourself.

"Thank you God for allowing me the opportunity to, once again, use the giftings that You put inside of me, to give hope to another struggling warrior."

Let me encourage you - find someone who needs a little extra encouragement, and freely give it. I can almost guarantee that it will make you think less of the stuff going on inside of you - and you might even walk away with a smile.

Just a few thoughts,
Walking with the King,
Sandy

Beauty for Ashes

I finally got out to Mom and Dad's today - and on the way was able to see the devastation of the Cowiche Mill Fire. I was in shock, as I saw so much blackened earth, covering the hillside, knowing that what I was seeing, was basically just the start, as the fire went over the hill, into the West Valley area, and also up into the canyons where I usually never get to.

The blackened earth, scorched by devastation, but yet in the midst of it, were oasis's. The homes, burnt all around, yet still standing, the orchards singed but yet still bearing fruit.

I kept thinking of the verse that talks about He will give us beauty for ashes. I am sure that those whose homes were saved, are singing His praises, along with those of our fearless firemen - who valiently fought the fires for many hours. I am reminded of the big fire in Yellowstone National Park, back in the late 80's, early 90's and how then several years after that, we had the opportunity to go through. The utter devastation of the fire was now flourishing, growing, it was truly amazing. We found out that there are certain types of pine trees, that they will only release their seeds, in extreme heat - and that kind of heat is only present during a forest fire.

I think sometimes in our lives, there has to be a fire. Something that, if not handled right, could truly devastate us, but if given over to the Master, can be made beautiful. I think of the things that have gone on, and are currently going on in my life. Things that could send me to an early grave, encourage me to turn my back on God, give up, and so many other things, but yet I keep remembering "what satan intended for evil, God can use for good."

So I am not saying this real loud, but go ahead and turn up the heat, because God is in Control, and He is more than capable of turning ashes into something beautiful.

Walking with the King,
Sandy

Greater Is He that is in Me -

As I sit and think about Who God is, I am in awe.

This is the One that could create the world in 6 days - could destroy it with a 'rainstorm' - made dreams come true for so many (Abrahm and Sarai, Zechariah and Elizabeth) and so many more, and yet in His infinite Power - He is concerned about me.

I was talking with a friend tonight on the phone for quite a while about all that is going on in life, and all I could think about was, and He loves me!

MY GOD LOVES ME!! His love isn't based on anything I could do, say, sacrifice, or pay for. It is based solely on who HE is, it isn't even about me. When you think about that - all I can say is WHOA!!! How can I not be moved with that fact? He loves me, so much, that He wants to take up residence in me - to help me to be a better person.

As my friend and I were talking, it once again turned to how God is so much more patient with the world than I could ever be - because it would have been over along time ago - I would have said enough is enough, as I look at all that is going on in the world today. But then I am reminded, that there are many who don't have the benefit of having His Presence guiding them, in their everyday activities.

So I am again moved with the idea that HE LOVES ME!, and wants to take up residence in me. So tonight I am blessed to be able to say - Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.

Just a few thoughts
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

After the last couple of days - this is my anthem!!!

I am so glad that I serve a God that is MORE THAN ENOUGH - and I can only hope that my faith will be more than enough - as we continue down the path called life. Sometimes life gets so discouraging, but I know that God is MORE THAN ABLE - to meet my every need, and still take care of everyone else - but sometimes I can't seem to wrap my head around that thought - but I am so so glad that He is willing to love me enough to take care of every small detail of my life.

Just a few thoughts,

As I walk with the King,

Sandy

My God is an awesome God!

It was so awesome to be sitting with 13,000 people tonight worshiping and praising our God. There is just something about being in a choir that big.

No matter what might be going on in our personal lives, corporately we were able to beckon heaven to turn it's ears on, so to speak. For that little while, we were able to focus on what is truly important - God, and His Kingdom.

On the way home, found out about a fire out around where my parents live, and so I tried to go and see what was going on. You could see the glow from Yakima, 15 miles away - no, not just the smoke, but the orange glow, from 5-6,000 acres of wild fire that was racing through the sage brush, threatening homes, blackening the earth.

This might be weird, but the thought that went through me, was, will we be able to see the orange glow from Hell - thus reminding us of all the Jesus did for us, so that we wouldn't have to endure the heat? How awesome is a God that would sacrifice His most precious thing, for me? when there is absolutely NOTHING that I can give in return, that even comes close to being worthy of that?

Just reminds me of how Awesome my God is.
Just a thought,
As I'm walking with the King,
Sandy

The Tears That No One Sees

I heard a Christian singer, today, talk about the tears of the heart that never make it to the eyes, and I could really identify with that statement. So many times we are taught, even expected at times, to put on a good show, so that no one knows how bad we are truly hurting. Tonight my heart was challenged by this news story: "Officials'>http://www.aolnews.com/crime/article/officials-friends-mystified-by-mayors-murder-suicide/19558041?sms_ss=blogger">Officials, Friends Mystified by Texas Mayor Jayne Peters' Murder-Suicide

Here is a family, supposedly doing well, has everything all together, who is unable to communicate with anyone, of the pain inside of them. I don't know if they were Christians, but it really doesn't matter at this point (for the purpose of my blog). It isn't their actions that I am worried about, it is mine. Now granted, I did not know this family, and so couldn't have done anything to change the circumstances or outcome for these two, but what about the people that I do know, the situations that maybe I could help change.

This last week, a friend of mine's husband had a heart attack. Now this is the same friend, whose son was killed in an automobile accident in March. My heart is challenging me to stop thinking about what is going on in my own life, and step out and minister to them. Now this isn't a problem, because this is the sort of thing that I absolutely love to do. The thing that is so challenging in this, that is kind of scary, is to reach out to others, who's pain might not be so obvious. Back in my late teens, a song was made popular by Steve Green. It really challenged me then, as it is doing tonight.

My prayer tonight becomes : Lord, help me to see with my ears and hear with my heart - the pain, that causes You pain (the tears that might not reach the eyes) - and help my hands and feet to be Your hands and feet to the hurting.

A heavy thought tonight,

As I walk with the King,

Sandy

Sound canceling headphones - contradiction in terms

I am smiling at my "technology-less" brain. A set of head phones, is just a set of head phones. They are all the same, and they produce the same desired sound - unless of course you go to some of the ones like a BOSE system. I have a BOSE radio/CD player, and it amazes me how good it sounds compared to a large stereo - the quality is unmatched, but headphones are just headphones. I let my nephew use my MP3 player, as I am not ready to allow him to use my I-pod touch - probably a pride issue, he would probably be able to use it better than me. (I was blessed by a 2nd Ipod by my bank, because of some promotion, and I might give it to him for his birthday/Christmas present this year - because he is really into this tech stuff), but I am deviating from my blog. I let him use my MP3 and he got a little bit upset because he couldn't hear the music - because my headphones sucked. ROFL - they work fine for me, but what do I know.

Anyway, I decided to go on a crusade and find a set of headphones that didn't suck - so when they travel, he could use the MP3 again and actually hear the music. Do you know how many types of headphones there are out there? Oh my goodness, I was amazed and the price ranges are so so so varied. Well, being a woman, and not being afraid to ask for directions, I found a young sales clerk in the electronics dept - and started asking questions. Finally I settled on a medium priced set of headphones. I'm used to paying 2.99 for a pair, and here I was paying 24.99, but there were some over $100. I had to smile as I read that these are "sound canceling" headphones, I thought I wanted to hear the sounds? after using them, I understand.

I love to mow my folks lawn. I can get on the riding lawn mower and 1 1/2 hours later, their lawn looks great, and I've listened to several pod casts, and lots of music. Well I mowed mom and dad's lawn last night, and used my new headphones. I didn't have to have it turned up all the way, and I could hear everything - even when the speaker would walk away from the mike a little - WOW. It actually was so good, that had I not known I was sitting on the tractor, I wouldn't have known I was mowing the lawn, as I couldn't hear the mower. I have to admit, I got so excited, I went and bought another pair of these headphones, so that I could keep one for me.

You know, sometimes I wish that there was some device that would cancel out all 'external' sounds when I was praying. It seems lately that the enemy is really working hard for me to not be able to concentrate during my prayer time. This is frustrating for me, as I want to be able to 'be still' and listen, waiting on God to drop something into my spirit, but it seems all I am getting these last couple of days is a laundry list of things to do for the day.

Maybe I'll start using my headphones during devotions - so I can be more attentive to what God is trying to say. Maybe I can find someone who can develop - thought canceling headphones, so my brain is a little clearer during that time. Just a thought - any ideas?

Walking with the King,
Sandy

Signed up for Camera classes - I'm so excited!

Okay, let's try this one again. I had it all finished, and then something happened, and poof it was gone. lol

I decided that since I was stepping out in faith, and planning a couple of major trips for the next couple years - (I'm doing my part - God just has to do His ) I wanted to get a new camera. So I went and invested in a new Camera. It is a Nikon 5000 - and just an awesome camera. BUT I need to learn how to do all the bells and whistles, and so I went ahead and signed up for a couple of classes - because the videos just weren't teaching me very much, and the manual isn't a very entertaining read. So I am having fun trying to figure it all out, so that I can get some awesome pictures on my trips. I find that this is taking up a lot of my "thought" process' as I get excited for this.

In writing this, I am reminded at times when my relationship with Christ was "new" and exciting - and how I was doing all that I could to learn about my God. But like most things in life, the 'newness' starts to fade and slows our interest down. I am happy that I am at a "new" place right now and life is exciting as I learn to truly trust God for every breathe that I take and His ultimate provision for my life. May I never take Him or His 'awesomeness' for granted. Just like my camera, as I allow Him to overtake my thought process - I am excited for the things that He is showing me, and is going to be showing me.

Just a few thoughts,
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

Just a few

Who are we representing?

I had to laugh the other day. I got a note from the tour group that I am traveling with this fall, God willing. It had a packing list - and one of the things that really caught my eye was "a good attitude."

Now, I would think that that would go without saying, but as I thought about it, I thought, 'there are lots of people who are very critical and negative when they go somewhere.' We Americans, have a bad reputation in places, and I don't want to have to go in somewhere and be viewed as "one of those Americans."

2 Corinthians 5:20 - states that 'we are Christ's Ambassadors - God's representatives so to speak - and it makes me wonder, what kind of representative am I for Him? I pray that when people look at me, they will see that there is something different about me, and are curious what it is.

I know that I am in NO WAY perfect, or even close to perfect - but I know that I am doing the best that I can, to be different than the world.

Thank you Lord for loving me just the way that I am, but loving me to much to leave me that way.

Just a few thoughts,
As I am walking with the King,
Sandy

BC - No Access, AD - Full Access

I was thinking about the "no access" concept again - and in some ways, my blog from a couple days just kept coming to my brain.

I want to take it a step further though.

I am excited, in Bible Study Fellowship, this fall, we will be studying the prophets - so I am working my way through them, so to refresh my memory. I really enjoy BSF - because of the simplicity of the studies, yet the in depth thinking it invokes. We use only the Bible, for the most part, and dissect the scriptures to see what God is saying. It is so much fun.

The one thing I keep thinking about is how in the Old Testament, if you wanted to "get a message" to God, so to speak, you had to go through your priest. I am amazed, that even in the midst of immense sin, that precept stood for many many years. Mere man could not enter into the Holy of Holies. So, because I wasn't born into the Levitical tribe, had I been born back in those times, I NEVER would have been able to talk to God. All of my petitions, and prayers, would have been through a priest, and only if my sacrifice was 'good enough', and the priest was in right standing.

I am so glad that when Christ died on the cross, the veil was torn and we were given access to the Holy of Holies. So many times, at various times, I have turned my face towards Him, and am so relieved to see that He is anxiously awaiting for me to come with the latest of what is going on, because He loves me that much. That is such an awesome concept. My 'sacrifice' doesn't have to be 'good enough' because He accepts me just the way that I am. I can go at any time, I am not limited to a certain time of year, and Thank You Jesus, I am not dependent on the righteousness of someone else, to take my petitions to the Mercy seat. (Now let me clarify - I try to continually keep my face towards Him, but I am human, and am definitely not perfect - but He is and fully aware of my limitations.)

Thank You Lord for just being You - and loving me enough that I can crawl up in Your lap at any times.

Just a few thoughts,
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

How much is to much?

Today has been a real interesting day. For quite a few years, I have had an uncanny 6th sense. I can't explain it other than, it has to be from God. I will awaken in the night, and just feel the urge to pray for someone, or know that I am supposed to send a specific amount of money to someone, etc - and it will be right. In some ways it kind of scares me, because I always want to be open to God's leading, but the things that are "dropped" into my spirit - is really weird. Sometimes I know the outcome, but many times I don't - and that is okay with me, because God knows.

Today was one of those days. I had taken one of my little ladies to her physical therapy appt, and as we were leaving, I just really felt impressed to pray for a friend of mine and her husband. I took a quick moment and said a prayer for them, and made a mental note to call her when I got a chance. Now I admit, I thought my reason to pray for them was a past issue. In March, their son, one of my "kids" Adam, was tragically killed in a car accident. During the day I just prayed for peace and comfort for them - especially for Laurie. I finally had a chance to give her a call around 4:30 and she was upset - she asked if she could call me back, and I said sure. She then proceeded to tell me that her husband had suffered a heart attack that morning. I asked if I could come up and see them and sit with her this evening, and she said yes.

When I got up to the hospital this evening, we were all talking and as we put a time line together, the time I felt impressed to pray was the time that Steve was having his heart attack. Thank God, through modern technology Steve is going to be just fine - and will have to make some lifestyle changes, but should live a good many more years. Laurie started to breakdown, talking about how she can't take any more. I shared with her the scripture that reminds us that God isn't going to give us anymore than we can handle, and it was okay to tell God that we are going under, and enough is enough. She looked at me like I was some crazy person. I explained that there have been times in my life, when I would tell God that He had a lot more confidence in me, than I had in myself and I just couldn't take anymore. She asked - How much is to much? I told her that only her and God could answer that question. After praying with them, and coming on home, that thought keeps going through my mind - How much is to much?

God is all sovereign but how much is to much? He is all knowing, and all powerful, but many times we feel like we are drowning - and yet the waves keep crashing upon us. I can't explain it, but I know this - God is still God and we have to come to the point that we trust Him completely REGARDLESS of outward conditions in our life. So How much it to much? I don't know - but He does and I'm just going to continue to let Him be in charge.

Just a few thoughts,
as I walk with the King,
Sandy

An Audience of One

Around the beginning of the year, I really felt impressed in my spirit - and then it was backed up in several ways - that God was looking for an "audience of one" with me. Don't ask me where I got that terminology - but it was dropped in my spirit, and it kind of stuck.

I'm not sure how to define an "audience of one" except with a very 'intimate' description. I truly believe that God wants, with each one of us, an extremely intimate relationship with Him and Him alone. We should be able to stand before Him naked and not be ashamed. We should be totally comfortable with Him, and our deepest thoughts, emotions, needs and desires - knowing that in that intimacy - there is complete security and love. He is NOT there to use and abuse us. He knows our thoughts before we even say them, so why not be honest with Him about what is going on inside of us. Psalms 139: 1-18 are such descriptive verses of how intimately God already knows us, long before we even entered this world. Much like a husband/wife, who make love to each other, after years of getting to know each other - completely open, and not ashamed, God so wants to have such an intimate relationship with us. He was willing to give up His most precious possession, His Son, for each one of us, but yet most of the time, we are unwilling to give up, or be inconvenienced for Him.

This song, helps me keep life and my relationship with Christ in perspective. He has already given me more than I have ever deserved, and I need to be able to enter into the Holy of Holy's with nothing hidden, no hidden motives, or agendas - just me, wanting to spend time with my lover - the lover of my soul. We have degraded intimacy to nothing more than a bargaining chip, with which we get what we want. Where in all reality - intimacy is not about me, but about the other person.

So as I work hard at achieving an "audience of one" with the Great Creator of Heaven and Earth, at least for this time, I bring nothing to give but me - asking nothing in return, but knowing that after my 'encounter' I will never be the same, and as time goes on, those changes in me become so deep and ingrained, that I can start loving unconditionally, those around me - because I have learned to love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally by the lover of my soul.

Just something I am learning about,

As I walk with the King,

Sandy

No Internet Access

It amazes me how "tied" I have found myself to my computer. It frustrates me a lot, when I am unable to be around, to check my e-mails, facebook, etc. I am realizing that for not being very "technology minded" I sure am "technology dependent". LOL

On Saturday night, as I sat down to write my blog, the Internet was down, in the area where I was staying. Thankfully I was able to get on-line with my cell phone and at least make a posting that I could come back and "edit" tonight. But on my cell phone, it is very limited also.

As I sat there on Saturday night, I put that frustration in perspective. I am so so thankful that God is always available - He never times out, He never crashes, He never boots us off - but He is always there. I don't need a password, or some special program - I don't have to have any special training, because His way is so simple:

Revelation 3:20 (Amplified Bible)
Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears and listens to and heeds My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will eat with him, and he [will eat] with Me.

Lord, I thank You for always being there - and the simplicity of Your plan of salvation. Help me to always remember where my focus belongs - on You, and not the computer.

Just a few thoughts,
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

Mt Moriah Experience

Many people have been e-mailing me, and sending me messages asking me to explain my reference to "my Mt. Moriah experience", that I have referenced in several of my blogs.

In Genesis 22, the scriptures tell of Abraham, who is asked to sacrifice Isaac, the son that Abraham prayed for, for many years. When Abraham was told to do this, the next morning, he got up, took Isaac up Mt. Moriah, and prepared to sacrifice him to the Lord. At the last moment, Abraham saw a ram in the thicket, and was able to sacrifice it, in place of his only son. The whole 'gist' of this account, is that Abraham was willing to obey God no matter what he was asked to do. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Isaac was 'something' that could have taken the place of God in Abraham's life, but in doing what God asked, Abraham proved that God was #1.

A song that has really hit me in the heart about this is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFWsx5KJJ4o. It is by Ernie Haase and Signature Sound. When I first heard this song, it was in a completely different text, and I feel God showed it to me, to help someone else - but now it is so so fitting for what is happening in my life now.

Now that I got the "Mt Moriah" explanation out of the way, let me go into detail as to how this pertains to me. I recieved a phone call from a wonderful prayer partner of mine, the first part of May. I was going through a real struggle in my life, and just could NOT figure out what God was trying to teach me. Now my wonderful prayer partner is an elderly lady, has been pivotal in keeping me "in line" (LOL - if that is possible) for at least 7-8 years now. There was one point in my life, that she would call me every morning and pray with me, and this lasted for well over 15 months. I can talk to her about anything, and she is a great mentor for me - always being honest with me, and always willing to correct me if necessary. Anyway, Ms Emma called me the first part of May and after we talked for a bit, she asked me if I remembered the Bible Story about Abraham and Isaac. Of course I did and we discussed that a little bit and the importance of Keeping God first. She then told me that she really felt that God was getting ready to do something in my life and take me to a different level, but before He could do that, I was going to have to go through a Mt Moriah experiance. I was going to have to give up, some temporarily and some permanently, anything that would hold me back either physically or spiritually from doing what God wants me to be doing. Basically God is going to have to strip me of anything and everything, that isn't necessary, that could become a stumbling block in my relationship with Him, and in my service for and to Him. He gave me some very specific examples of things and people, that were going to have to be put on the back burner, and I'm not sure if they are there temporarily or indefinately. From there, I felt strong in my spirit that I needed to get a new Bible. For those of you who know me well, know how important my Bible is to me, but I had to get a new one, for a "fresh word" from God. I can use my other 2 favorite ones from time to time, but when I am reading, I need to have a "clean" one. I have to admit, that I'm having fun reading, out of a Bible that isn't all marked up, fortunately this one is starting to get marked up also .

I'm not really sure what God is in the process of doing, but I really feel that the "revealing" will take place in November, when I am on a trip. This will be a time, where He hopefully will show me exactly what He wants me to do with my life, at this stage that I am in right now. It is so interesting to see how things/people, even myself, can become a stumbling block in my relationship with God. I am working hard to make sure that everything and everyone, in my life, is there with a purpose of making me a stronger Christian, with a stronger witness, for My Lord. As He is "trimming" my life, so to speak, He keeps reminding me, that in this time in my life, what He wants right now, is "an audience of one". He is looking for a deeply intense relationship with me - where all is stripped away, allowing me to trust Him with all of me. Not just parts of me, because I am depending on other people or things to provide that which He wants to provide for me, in all areas of my life - actions, thoughts, emotions, desires, dreams, faults and failures.

At times, I am really excited, but I have to be honest, that at times, it is really painful, and I feel like things are being "ripped" from me - and I don't like it. But.......... I guess, if I would be willing to give some of this up, maybe it would be easier to get through this time. I guess even during this time, I am only human and need to learn to be patient with myself.

Hopefully this explains just a little about the "Mt Moriah experience". I will try to keep you posted on all that God is doing in this area.

Just a few of my thoughts,
As I am walking with the King,
Sandy

Faith vs. Fear

Have you ever had to make a decision that was far beyond the scope of anything you ever would want to have to decide? If you have, do you make the decision based on Faith, or out of fear?

I find myself at a place right now where I have some decisions to make and I have to decide what is the best for me. Should I make my decisions out of my Faith, knowing that God is in control, and ultimately will have His way anyway? Or should I make them out of fear of rejection, or pain, or the unknown?

Deuteronomy 31:8It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will [march] with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; [let there be no cowardice or flinching, but] fear not, neither become broken [in spirit--depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm].

2 Corinthians 4:16Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day.

Jeremiah 29:11For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

I guess after spending some time in the scriptures, once again, I will step out in Faith - and trust God for the final outcome to be in perfect keeping of His perfect will.

Just a few thoughts,
As I walk with the King,
Sandy

Experiment vs. Journey

I saw a billboard tonight that said "Life is an experiment". It really got me to thinking. I have always been told that "life is a journey." So what is the difference?

Webster defines these words as:
"Experiment": an operation or procedure carried out in controlled conditions in order to discover an unknown effect or law.

"Journey": an act or instance of traveling from one place to another.

So what do I want my life to be? An experiment?, where I don't know the outcome, or a journey, where I know the final destination? All of my experience with experiments have usually ended in something being blown up - and I really don't want to have to pick up the pieces of life anymore, for myself, or for anyone else. My experience with journey's have always been favorable. They usually include maps, and final destinations - yes, sometimes they include detours or slow downs for construction, but in the end we always ended up where we were supposed to.

John 14:2b - 4 (Amplified) "for I am going away to prepare a place for you. And when (if) I go and make ready a place for you, I will come back again and will take you to Myself, that where I am you may be also. And (to the place) where I am going, you know the way."

This scripture certainly doesn't sound like an experiment, but a journey. So I am going to stick to the saying that "Life is a journey". I've got my road map (the Bible), extra things for the detours and slow downs (worship music and awesome Christian books and speaker tapes), and my final destination all mapped out. I'm excited to see where this road takes me in the next few weeks/months/ and years as I continue to trust my Pilot. I know the ultimate destination, but it might be a scenic trip - and for that I am excited to see what God is going to do.

Let me re-assure those of you, who are content to make life an experiment, if it blows up and I see you sitting along side of the road, don't worry I will stop and see what I can do, but remember, I won't sit there long because I have a final destination that is calling me, so be willing to make up your mind quickly.

Just a few of my thoughts,
As I am walking with the King,
Sandy