Monday, May 24, 2010

the Velveteen Dog and my Velveteen Life

I am housesitting tonight - last minute gig - but I absolutely love coming here. This is a great couple, they are wonderful, and I have lots of fun with them, and have no problem watching the "kids" when something comes up and they have to go out of town.

One of the dogs, in particular, just touches my heart. Maggie is OLLLLLLDDDD. She has a thyroid problem, so has to have thyroid medication morning and night, and she is just very "well loved" literally. One of my favorite books, as a child, was the velveteen rabbit - and you know you have been "well loved" when your fur has been rubbed off, and you are missing an eye, and your ear is torn, etc. Well Maggie is "well loved". Once I had a friend come over for dinner while I was housesitting here, and she was scared to touch Maggie, because half of Magg's hair has come off, and her tail is just the skinny bones, with a little hide left on it, and if you aren't comfortable with animals, she can be quite intimidating. But let me tell you, you aren't going to find a more loving dog than Maggie anywhere.

I needed Maggie tonight. I needed Maggie to remind me that it isn't what is on the outside that is important, but what is on the inside. I've had a rough going these past few months. As much as I hate to give satan credit, he has really had a hey day with me, and my feelings of self worth. When I go to have myopathic muscular therapy, the therapist always can tell when I am struggling, because in the area of my body, which houses the "self worth" block as she calls it, she really has to work hard to get my body to balance out. Those of you who know me well, know that this is an area that I really struggle in - and I am working on it and seeing some progress.

I guess I am coming to "terms" with me, and am frustrated when others aren't so quick to do so. I guess in many ways I see myself as "velveteen". I'm not the prettiest thing anyone has ever seen, not the thinnest, not the smartest, at times not even the nicest - but I guess I look at my life and I see how life has rubbed "the fur" off in lots of areas, and how I feel like I am missing parts. I will never hold a PHd in anything - but then you know what, God hasn't asked me to either. I know that I have "My Master's Degree - the AUG one, Approved Unto God." But,also in my defense, even in my imperfections, you aren't going to find anyone who loves more fiercely than I do - sometimes even to a fault. You aren't going to find many people that "put up" with so much crap, and never lash out in retaliation. I've been reminded so much of this a few weeks ago, with one of my elderly ladies and when a doctor thanked me for taking such wonderful care of her, going far beyond the call of duty, to make sure that she died with dignity. And all I could think was, that's what I do - how could I do any less.

I have been blessed, far beyond what some people can even begin to imagine, and I know it. So tonight, in my "self-worth" imbalanced self - I needed Maggie - a physical reminder that it isn't what is on the outside, the looks, the education, the whatever, but it is the heart that is in us, that God judges, and is most important.

Thank you Lord for providing Maggie - to remind me, that You love me, despite all my imperfections, and it doesn't really matter what others think, because if You are for me, what do others matter anyway. So I will continue on in my "velveteen life" doing all that I can, to be all that You have asked me to be.

Walking with the King, Sandy

1 comment:

cr8ted4jesus said...

Hey G/f - I read this and can't even begin to express what is going on in my heart right now. If only you could see yourself the way everyone else does, you would realize what a truly awesome and amazing person you are. When you start to beat yourself up - remember what a little boy and a little girl told you many years ago,and how they were able to boost your confidence. More so than that, remember what God said "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."

Can't wait to see you in a few weeks, if all goes well. Much love to you sweetie, keep the writing going - it blesses my soul.