Saturday, February 28, 2009

I found the "good" one

Many of you know that my two nieces are the light of my life - and I am finding it is truly amazing what you can learn from them. Elizabeth is 5 and has already memorized the Old and the New Testament - books of the Bible. She is challenging Aunt San to do the same. - But then, her little brain isn't as full as mine, so I guess I have to be willing to cut myself a little slack. hahahaha Yes, I have taken her up on the challenge - and have 'remembered' all the New Testament books, and now am working on the Old Testament.

The other day I had the chance to spend a little time with Maddie(3) and Elizabeth (5). Maddie has this really bad habit, and Aunt San enjoys it to much to stop her yet. After hugs and kisses, Maddie always heads for Aunt San's pockets looking for "monies" for her piggy bank. Well the other day, I told her that I didn't have any "monies" but she kept patting my pockets. Then she started digging through the pockets of my scrub top. I figured she was probably looking for lip gloss, as they have discovered this and love it. I keep a tube of "kid friendly" flavored lip gloss in my car, and slip it in my pocket before entering the house. I figure that I can use the "kid" gloss on them, as it isn't going to stay on their lips very long - because they are always licking it off. And at least my Cherry Blistex lasts longer if they aren't "eating" it. All of a sudden she comes up with the tube of Strawberry whatever, she lays it on the end table and then starts digging again. Next thing I know, she smiles real big and says to Elizabeth - "look sister, I found the 'good' one". I had to laugh - she knew which one was the better one, and on that day she wasn't willing to settle for the cheap substitute.

The more I think about this I wonder if we, as Christians, aren't a little like this. We let the world give us some cheap imitation of success, acceptance, love instead of holding out for the "good" stuff. Maybe, we even carry this into our spiritual life also, we open "God's pocket", our Bible and skim through it - finding a scripture that will make us feel good - we've spent time with God. But how many times are we willing to take the time, and put in the effort to "dig" for the good stuff - and get excited when we find it. Jeremiah 29: 12-14a states 'you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me (as a vital necessity) and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord.' (Amplified version)
How often do we call upon Him, pray, even come to him, but aren't willing to really "seek Him", or go as far as to "Require Jesus as a vital necessity"? And then we are wondering why we don't seem to be having success in our spiritual life. How long has it been since you have been able to call up a Christian Sister and say "look sister, I found the 'good' one." I guess maybe spending more time with my nieces will help sharpen up my spiritual skills. And for those of you wondering, yes, they got the "good stuff" that day. Just a little something to think about.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Different Road

My Life in 5 short chapters
Chapter 1: I walk down a road, there is a hole.
I don't see the hole, I fall in.
It takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 2: I walk down the same road, there is that hole.
I pretend not to see the hole, I fall in.
It takes me a long time to get out.
Chapter 3: I walk down the same road, there is that hole.
I see the hole, I fall in.
I get out quickly.
Chapter 4: I walk down the same road, there is that hole.
I walk around the hole.
Chapter 5: I walk down a different road!
This has been a rough couple of weeks for me, culminating with a really rough weekend. I'm so tired of walking down that road, pretending that the hole isn't there - or - thinking that I am Super Woman and I can 'fly past or over it' and it won't affect me. I guess maybe I am ready to start walking down a different road.
Can you relate with this life story? Are you tired of doing the same thing all the time? Sometimes my life story isn't just 5 chapters, but it could be expanded many times over in the middle - because of my own stubornness, and my struggle to ask for help. Somewhere I read that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. How often I find myself caught in this vicious cycle. I am so tired of being frustrated about the same things - over and over again.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amplified Bible) states: "Lean on, trust in, and be
confident in the Lord, with ALL your heart, and mind, and do NOT
rely on your own insight, and understanding. In all your ways,
know, recognize, and acknowledge HIM, and HE will direct,
and make straight and plain, your paths.
Maybe there is hope for me yet, if I am willing to follow "His" road map.
My prayer: Lord, A different road, that is what I pray that You, the Almighty God, will show me. As You show me that road, I pray that I will have the courage and strength to walk in
it, regardless of my feelings - trusting You completely.
As we walk this road together, let us join in with each other helping one another, without standing in judgement of one another.
I have a prayer request as I stand together with a good friend in prayer for a wonderful 14 year old boy, who is really struggling right now. We pray that God will give the doctors wisdom, the family courage, and most of all, my little buddy the knowledge that he is loved so so much, and life wouldn't be the same without him here. I don't want him to be 42 and struggling with where he fits in, so I can only pray that he will find that place soon, so he can smile again.
Consider yourself hugged. Thanks for stopping by.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The whole world is in love when you are lonely

Happy Valentines Day!!!!

As I sit here on the 42nd Valentines Day of my life, with no prospects in sight, I am reminded of the song "the whole world is in love when you are lonely".

I never, in my worst dreams, would have thought that I would be 42 and single. The thing that surprises me though is that it isn't all that bad. Granted, I have no one to take care of me when I'm sick, or when I have to attend 4 funerals in 8 days, I wish that there was someone to hold my hand and let me cry. But as I watch those that I love being so hurt, it reminds me that at least I don't have to deal with infidelity and divorce. As I watch children struggle with the side effects of divorce and irresponsibility, at least I know that I haven't contributed to the pain of my children.

I have to laugh because I was dared to place an ad on craigslist - and I did it. The people that are out there are so so scary. After quickly weeding out the "visit my website" and the wierdos, there was 1 reply that actually had what I felt was potential. For the next couple of days we e-mailed, and then started instant messaging. After a week, he wanted to call me - and you know, I wa okay with that. So we talked daily for the next 4 days. Then I recieve an e-mail from him calling me a chicken, and accusing me being scared of committment. After doing some praying I responded to his e-mail, asking him what he was implying. I actually asked him if he was thinking about marriage after only 2 weeks of talking. He lived 9 hours from me, so we had never met. It is amazing how when I asked him that question, and asked him how much he had prayed about our friendship, I never heard from him again. I guess now I can understand why at 42 he has been married 4 times and has 7 children.

Why is it that there are so many "Christian" men out there, but when the rubber meets the road, they are actually like everyone else. Are there no men who truly love Jesus with all their heart and want a relationship based on Christian and biblical values? I guess until God brings that person into my life, I will cry alone at funerals, and continue to make my own chicken soup. I'm just glad that Christ continues to remind me that even though I might get lonely at times, I am never alone.

Monday, February 9, 2009

A world of hurt

This last week has been a rough one. It seems like every where I look, including in the mirror - people that I know and love and hurting and I feel so inadequate to be able to do anything about it.

My motto in life is to live life with no regrets, and as I get older, I find that is getting harder to do. We all make choices in life, and many of them have consequences, but what about those things that we don't choose. I have a wonderful friend, whose husband has cystic fibrosis, he didn't chose this yet they live daily with the side effects of this horrible disease. I have another friend, whose niece tragically died this past Thursday morning - trying to take care of some physical pain she was having. Still another friend who has had to deal with the reality that people are not always thinking about others, but making choices to suit themselves best knowing full well that if found out I see 2 little girls whose life has been turned upside down in the past few months because of poor choices that their parents have made - and to all of this, I can't do anything about it.

Where is God? Why does He seem so far away during these times? I know that He is in control, and I just have to allow things to happen, but no where does it say that I have to like it. So to all of you who are hurting, please know that you are loved and that I am praying for you. If you need to talk, vent, yell, scream, or whatever, you know where to find me. Consider yourself hugged.