This morning, I sit here very frustrated. I guess I am wondering why it seems that life is passing me by - and with each passing day - it is one more day that I sit single. I think I am second guessing my decisions to be patient and wait for God to bring that “special someone” into my life. Now please don’t worry about me going out and doing something stupid, but I guess I wonder if I am not going about this the right way. Now please, I don’t want anyone reminding me about how blessed my life is, and if I was married I wouldn’t be able to do half the stuff that I do. I know all of that, and I am not lamenting my life as a whole - I just wished that I had someone to share life with.
You ask what has brought about these feelings this morning - well - I got an e-mail from my brother stating he was on his way in May to meet someone that he had met over the internet, and he is “in love”. Please don’t get me wrong - I am not against anyone finding love, but I guess I just wonder when it is going to happen for me. Now before any of you respond about E-harmony, and other dating sites - been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and bumper sticker. And it isn’t just a one time thing. I have been part of E-harmony a total of 2 years and the only thing I found, was that my wallet was a lot lighter. I have tried other sites also and they to, just seem to be a drain on the pocketbook. I have tried free sites, and to no avail there also - it seems like I intimidate a lot of men by being 42 and never married. I don’t even want to bring in the issue of spiritual maturity here.
Genesis 2:18 states “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be
Alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
You know, I wouldn’t struggle with this so much if it wasn’t for something that God, himself, said. If it isn’t good for man, or woman, to be alone, then why isn’t God bringing my “helper”. I have lost count at the number of people that ask me why I am not married. My answer has always been, it isn’t that I haven’t met the person that I can spend the rest of my life with, I just haven’t met the person that I can’t live without. So is it time to change my “standards” so that I don’t spend the rest of my life alone.
I have a wonderful friend, who is now well in her 60’s and she always said, she would rather be a happy single than an unhappy bride. And I agree with her, but she also admits that she has never had the desire to be married. I love her to death, but I don’t want to be 65 my life consists only of church activities and taking care of everyone else. And frankly - I do have that desire to be married and have a family.
I don’t know, maybe this feeling today is just indigestion, and it will pass, but all I know is that it comes more and more often - and frankly I just wish that God would say “No Sandy - that isn’t the thing that I have for you” and then I could deal with the emotions and move on.
But until then I guess I will continue to keep on keeping on and trusting Him to know what He is doing. And if anyone has any “sensible” ideas - feel free to forward them on to me.