Tonight I got news of the passing of one of my "kids" and my heart is just hurting. This morning I was told that the pain that I feel in my life right now is "carma" coming back around for all the pain and suffering that I cause other people.
I want the pain to stop - I have to be honest in saying that there is a big part of me that wishes that it would have been me killed in this car accident and not Adam. Let me tell you about Adam, this was a young man who had a heart as big as he was. He would do anything for his family, and actually was in route to work for his mom, because she was sick, when the accident occured. He was a great kid, and the world will definately be missing out on a wonderful young man. The Young Life booth will never be the same without Captain Cupcake, as he so wonderfully nick named himself, so wonderfully made himself available to work whenever he was needed. He made me laugh so many times with his great antics, and his readily available hugs.
Rest in Peace Adam, Heaven has just gained another angel.
You know, when I help one of my "little old" people walk through that door into eternity - it is a peaceful time for me, but when I loose one of my "kids" I really question why I allow myself to become involved in other people's lives. I invest way to much of myself into them, and then have to deal with the immense pain when tragedy hits.
As for me, God continues to keep me here for some reason - and I have to trust Him in His infinite wisdom, because it is far beyond me to try and figure it out. As I sat outside looking up at the stars tonight, all I was asking is "Do you even hear me anymore?" Lord I need peace from You, and the kind of peace that only You can give - right now.